Third grade.
I was confronted with death.
An 8th grade boy in my school was stricken with brain cancer. In that same year, Great-Grandma died - my first memory of someone close to me dying. In one year, the loving, protected world that my parents had provided was impacted by outside forces that I needed to control. My oldest-child-reality needed to find a way to help, to keep mom and dad safe. I needed them. I don’t remember being worried about my health but boy, my health sure was affected!
Third graders can’t control everything, one could argue they can’t control much at all. (Praise God for our Third Grade Teachers!) While I tried to control things as best as a third grader could, I became a full fledged worrier and was in need of help beyond mom and dad to settle my fears.
Fear is about control. The thought that my parents could die was scary...but there was no reality in my ability to keep my parents alive. If a classmate could die, if Great Grandma could die, so can Mom and Dad.
Kids crumble when their world is out of control, when routines are altered or never established and when their ego-directed world is impacted by outside influences. Lash out or cower away. Cry at the drop of a hat or whine and scream. Outbursts are cries of frustration and fear.
Recently, I listened to a Focus on the Family broadcast entitled Helping Kids Navigate Worry in Healthy Ways - Focus on the Family. The guests, Josh and Christi Staub, shared their insights on what fear and worry might look like at various age levels. They also shared their own stories about worry and provided their faithful guidance on addressing fear and worry. In the broadcast, they shared briefly how 5 year olds may respond to fear and how pre teen boys and pre teen girls may respond to fear and worry. Overall the short broadcast reminded me to keep my adult eyes open to the needs of the kids in our schools.
The broadcast resonated with me as we leave one major worry-maker (COVID19) and enter new worry-makers (record fuel prices and its economic effects and the fears of world unrest). It’s probably wise to look more broadly at fear and worry and consider deeper, long lasting impacts of fear and worry. The Staubs make the point that parents need to help their children realize their fears and learn skills to meet those fears head on. Parents should also be aware of their own fears and worries, address them and be better prepared to equip (not answer) their children’s response to the fears of this world.
I went back and searched for past blog posts on fear that we have shared via www.thelutheranschools.org. 8 popped up immediately (there may be more.) We’ve followed a perfect model as the Bible addresses fear over and over again. So we used God’s Words in the posts.
Fear and worry are nothing new. We started with fear when the first parents (Adam and Eve) hid in shame from fear. Moses addressed fear with personal excuses. Shepherds cowered in fear of the angels appearance in the dark of night. But the message to us fear filled people is always “Fear not.” The words come from our God who has conquered every one of our fears, separation, illness, and death, just to name a few.
One of my fears is that so many people are not aware or do not share in the joy of a God who stomps out fear. I hope that as you look at your fears and as you lead your family, you make sure you put yourself in places where God’s words are shared like church and worship, family and devotions, Lutheran schools and its community. Be sure to share your fears, see Christ as a sure solution and invite others to that same certainty.
